This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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