I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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