My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
