Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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