Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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