I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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