I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I need to sanitize my soul.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Randomize
