he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
