you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
