While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
