spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
