please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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