Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
