Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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