Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
