I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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