She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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