I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
