So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
