I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
