i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
