I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
