Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Rumble strips road head = magical
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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