So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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