worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
