God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
