Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
