i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
