you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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