oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
