You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
