I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
