Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
