Everything about him screamed your future.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
