He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
