sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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