I must be too annoying 4 u.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If I die, sorry about rent.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
