Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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