am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
