i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
