the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
