I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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