Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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