My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
