If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
