dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize