Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
