just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
And then my night got REAL pukey
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My ass is underappreciated
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
