He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
