I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
