I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
