I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
