You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
