I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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