I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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