YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
