Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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