i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
