Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
