Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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