She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
