SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
