Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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