We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize