VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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