Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We had to coat check the pizza.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
