Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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