how do flat chested girls get laid?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
