Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
