Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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